How does Natalie fair

     I felt I needed to provide follow up on my last post.  On one hand things have continued to improve, not where they need to be but a work in progress moving in the right direction.  On the other hand another relationship that is vital to Natalie, but also feeds the other relationship has regressed. It might be hard to understand or explain, but the two relationships are symbiotic and feed each other.  My fear is that the degradation of Natalie’s relationship will affect her real world alter ego’s relationship in a negative way. 

  Since my last post conversations have been had and there has been a corner turned in a positive direction, but this blog is not about that part of Natalie that is her male part’s daily life.  This blog is about Natalie and her growth and finding herself.  Since the events that transpired in the last post Natalie has been in a funk while trying to stay positive.  On twitter she stays positive, but inside she hurts deeply.  She feels a part of her is being ripped out and she has no control.  Meaningful and positive conversations are being had and hopefully will culminate in a restoration to normal.   Natalie and her alter ego are two people in the same body.  Two sides of the same person.  Both sides need a different type of relationship.  The alter ego has a very vanilla relationship, that is beginning to bring some of Natalie’s kink into it, but that is a slow process.  Natalie however, her relationship is all kink all the time and needs constant nurturing.  Up until recently she has been receiving that.  Recent events have given the false assumption that Natalie’s relationship needs to slow down.  When in actuality Natalie’s relationship of growth needs more attention now in order her for her to learn and grow while working on her vanilla relationship.  A comment was made that one of the relationships has to take a back burner since I can’t give 100% to both.  They both build on each other neglecting one will negatively impact the other.  Natalie has cried every day mourning what she feels is an impactful loss, but she gets up every day and puts on a strong facade.  

    The day has finally arrived for a very meaningful conversation that will shape how Natalie proceeds.  Her alter ego took control today,  no panties or stockings that have been normal attire for the past few months.  Conversations had to be had and parties needed to come to mutual understandings about the way forward.   Natalie had to explain how she felt a part of her was being ripped out and Mistress Windy needed to reassure her that she wasn’t going anywhere, but Natalie had progressed so fast that she needed to slow down and focus priorities in other areas.  I tried to reassure her that Being Natalie doesn’t take as much of my effort as it appears.  While I do have a lot going on, I also have a lot of down time.  This is the space that Natalie lives.   I explained how I felt, Mistress Windy reassured me and even though I am being a “brat” she is not going anywhere.  I feel Natalie is in a good place right now, but time will tell.  She will live in her current level of progression, while focus on alter ego relationships take a higher priority.  She will still have reinforcement training to continue to help her further develop Natalie as a person.  Mistress Windy heard me and agreed to reassess some things while making no promises.  She cares about Natalie’s well-being and happiness and wants what is best for her and me.  I think it is a good start and Natalie appears to be in the road to recovery.  

Somethings wrong

   Up until.now the story you have been reading and I have enjoyed writing has been an extremely fun and vibrant story.  Natalie is still young in her growth, but today we must pause from her journey and talk about hardships and pain.  I know this is not what this blog is typically about, but none the less it is a part of my story and I feel I must tell it.  There might be someone out there that can relate and if one person can find comfort in my words then it was worth it.  

     This past few days have been a roller coaster,  events have transpired that could have been disastrous for me and Natalie have turned out to be a blessing on one hand, but have had what I feel has had significant other effects on my life that I can only describe as crushing.  As I sit here deciding what to write holding back tears of despair I struggle with thoughts of how I handled events of the past few days. Trust me I am strong and will make it through the other side of these feelings.  It will take some time, tears and soul searching but I and Natalie will be a better person on the other side.  I will tell the story from the perspective of my feelings alone.  It will talk generally about events not in specifics but in how it made me feel.  The past few days in my opinion have been a blessing on one relationship, but inadvertently harmed another.

      To start we need to go back a few days,  a part of Natalie was discovered.   This brought some fear, yelling, reassuring and ultimately understanding.  I have been forced by circumstance to have a difficult decision about how I feel in certain aspects.  It was difficult, but productive in the end an avenue of improvement has been opened.  This is a good thing and I relish it.  My relationship hasn’t been better and will improve because of the trials.  It will take communication, understanding and experimentation. I have pledged to be more open and provide the feedback needed to improve the relationship.  

    Now to what I feel has been a downside to recent events that I hope to turn around and restore the joy and smile that it brought me everyday.  In my effort to be transparent I inadvertently turned a positive aspect in my life, something that put a spring in my step to something that brings me down.  Actions only taken out of concern for my well-being are having opposite effects.  Consequences of my actions I feel have caused changes that I didn’t expect, and I have to accept them.  Take things as they come and try and find the joy that text used to bring me every time I got it now tug a little at the hurt in my heart, they come less often than they did before, but that is ok.  They are always well meaning an heartfelt. This relationship will in time I hope will bring me all of the joy it once did even in the short time it has been there.  

      Please don’t get the tone of this installment wrong.  We all go through struggles in life.  This installment I wanted to describe a struggle I am going through and reassure my readers that no matter how dire things seem you will be stronger on the other end of the struggle.  If you need help in that struggle find and reach out to your support system.  If you don’t have one contact me and I will be your support system.  We all must stick together in this world.  

Natalie’s presence increases

    Mistress Windy sees that Natalie is growing much faster than she anticipated, maybe too fast but she knows that Natalie is engrained deep in me.   Her weekly taskings continue.   Natalie must now become public while still being discreet.   Natalie is instructed to join twitter and fet life, and follow other sissies, Dommes and join sissy centric groups on fet.  This is where her twitter and fet names @Windyssissy_nat comes from.   Natalie relishes in this task, it is a way for Natalie to burst publicly on the scene and still be private in public life   She initially follows just about anyone she can find.  She begins to be a little more selective. She begins to interact and develops a small following.   Wanting to give Natalie and outlet Mistress Windy tasks her with taking and posting photos on both sites.   Natalie’s first photos are in random dresses, but she wants more.  She needs to shop, oh happy day.  

     Natalie’s first purchase was what Queen Kat affectionately calls the bumble bee dress.  This dress was by every definition very conservative.  Natalie had to have more female clothes, but not knowing how to shop for women’s clothes she would just buy what she could find.   Her next two dress purchases were not any better, but in her mind she was getting a collection of women’s clothes,  Natalie couldn’t wait to show Mistress Windy week at there next session.   When she got home and looked at her new dresses she realized Mistress Windy was right they were not the look that she was going.  There was one outfit she liked.  

    She had bought it for a special tasking that Mistress Windy had indirectly given her.  As Natalie had been exploring the internet she would talk to Mistress Windy about broken links on her website and other things she noticed.  Mistress Windy dubbed Natalie her “persona assistant sub”.  With this title in mind Natalie bought a nice long black skirt with a pretty blue top for her office look.  This is a look that Natalie is proud of she only hopes Mistress Windy approves. 

  I believe this is where as Mistress Windy calls it my “shopping fetish” began.  Natalie began to shop on Amazon quite a bit, as well as local department stores.  She acquired more “slutty” clothes they play better in photos for Twitter, because that is what people want to see.   As the “fetish” began to get out of hand as well as some of Natalie’s poor early choices Mistress Windy decided that she had to perform an intervention.  Natalie was no longer allowed to make clothing purchase without prior approval.  Natalie pouted a little but reluctantly agreed.  

    Natalie continued to perform her daily tasks and post pictures online.  She has begun to build a small following and is more comfortable being herself in this realm.  Finally, her favorite day arrives again.   Mistress Windy has a surprise for Natalie.  Before sessions she will be helping her get content for her to have content for her to show off Natalie.  This made Natalie very happy.  This photo shoot took them back to the beginning she wore the same leopard print nightie that she wore several weeks ago during her first session.  Mistress Windy and Queen Kat were a little nostalgic to see how far Natalie had come, but a little sad they didn’t document the first session.  Despite this they were very pleased and proud of Natalie’s progression.  The day concluded as usual with the two beautiful and strong ladies showing Natalie what some of the things that being a woman is about.  As usual Natalie enters her sub space and submits to their will.  Natalie doesn’t want the day to end but sadly it must and she bids Mistress Windy and Queen Kat farewell until next time when Natalie’s journey will continue.  

Natalie continues to grow

     Natalie’s presence continues to grow within me, and wants to have more exploration in the outside world.  To enable Natalie some freedom Mistress Windy continues to provide me with takings.  I have at this point stopped wearing boy underwear all together and no longer wear man socks. I am only wearing panties and stockings or going commando occasionally with stockings.  At this point I have begun to make some online purchases.  My first significant purchase was as Mistress Windy called them stripper heels.  She was utterly amazed that I purchased 6.5 inch heels.  When I attempted to walk in them I was not steady at all, but this is all I had to practice my walk for the time being.   Natalie continues to practice her walk and do “sissy squats” in her heels. 

     As the time in between sessions goes on Natalie begins to purchase make up as instructed.  She goes into Ulta to purchase lipsticks, lip gloss and nail polish.  Mistress Windy has plans.  Natalie being the overzealous sissy that she is she purchases eyeliner and eye shadow as well.   Mistress Windy understanding what Natalie needs for her nurturing continues to bring more of Natalie’s femininity to the surface.  Along with wearing waist trainers to give her more of a feminine shape, she must learn to sit lady like by keeping her legs closed or crossed.  In addition to this she must no longer stand to pee while tucking her little clitty so she looks more like a woman when she sends her pictures to Mistress Windy. Soon these actions just become natural for Natalie, she begins to feel normal and doesn’t feel comfortable standing to pee.  Either to humiliate or further train Natalie she was instructed to purchase several large bananas, cucumbers, carrots and condoms and only those items.

   The much anticipated week of Natalie’s next session has arrived, but the remote training continues. She must eat one of the phallic objects at each meal, practicing cocksucking on one of the at the meal of her choice.  Natalie eagerly completes these tasks daily. As the session day come closer, a new task has been added, Natalie must use a cucumber, and a carrot to exercise her pussy.  Natalie is nervous about this but compares and it wasn’t as bad as she thought. Mistress Windy continues to push Natalie’s boundaries one particularly task is to wear her clear lip gloss all day, anxious and scared, but not wanting to disappoint her Mistress she complies and is surprisingly comfortable with it.   

   Finally the best day of the week arrives.  Natalie prepares herself as she normally  does with a thorough flushing, but on this day Mistress Windy wants Natalie to wear lipstick to the session to further Natalie’s comfort level with her femininity. As Natalie drives to House of Whispers she doesn’t even worry about the fact she is wearing lipstick in her boy clothes.  She is just so excited she gets to see her Mistress these days are Natalie’s most favorite times.  She gets to be fully under the control of a strong powerful woman who knows what Natalie needs deep down and never fails to put her in a euphoric sub space.  Today’s session did not disappoint Mistress Windy’s expert technique put Natalie at complete ease as she was transformed into who she is meant to be.  For the next couple of hours Natalie can truly be herself without judgement.  After the session reality sets in and Natalie must once again go back to the real world and transform back into her boy self, but Natalie remains on the inside even if the only outward appearance is her panties and stockings that she wears.   Until the next installment Natalie’s journey continues.  

Becoming Natalie

     Once Natalie emerged from my psyche, there was no turning back.  As Mistress Windy puts it once you scratch the itch there is no turning it off.  After my first in person session with Mistress Windy I knew Natalie would have a permanent presence in my life.  I wanted to continue to explore who Natalie was and how she would emerge in my life.  Natalie is unable to make a fully public appearance, but she is always there wanting to emerge. 

      Once I decided to explore who Natalie was I contacted Mistress Windy to explore continuing my exploration with her both in person and remotely.  She was happy to accept Natalie as a sissy submissive.  She wa delighted to hear that I wanted to pursue who Natalie was, she was unsure after our first session whether I had an enjoyable experience.   Her and Queen Kat had trouble reading me since I was extremely quiet during our session, they wondered to themselves if I would be back.  I apologized to Mistress Windy for confusing her, and assured her that I had a fantastic experience.  We immediately scheduled a second in person session, but in the mean time she would provide me with taskings to continue my training in between sessions, and I must provide visual proof that Natalie had done as instructed. Knowing I was just beginning my journey Mistress Windy started me slow, wearing panties/stockings everyday, wearing a waist cincher, doing squats every morning to tighten my butt.  All simple tasks nothing too extraordinary, but still training me none the less.  Still being nervous I still wore boy underwear over my panties and male socks over the stockings in order to “hide” my sissy clothes more.  

    Soon the the day approached for my next in person session. I was both excited and nervous at the same time.  I prepared for the session as instructed.  Arriving right on time as is the protocol Mistress Windy let’s me in and as before I am in awe of her presence and beauty, again she puts me at ease and comments on how much better I look with a much better posture and I seem more confident in myself.  I strip to my panties and stockings and panties as instructed, Queen Kat begins to show me how to apply my make up, while Mistress Windy finds a dress for me to wear.  It was different than the leopard print nightie that I wore the first time, this was a nice purple dress that fit me well.  Mistress Windy and Queen Kat notice a significant change in my posture and mannerisms have begun to shift and I am more aware of myself.  The internally kick themselves that they didn’t document my first session with a picture to chronicle the drastic change in such a short time, this mistake would not happen again. Discreet pictures will be take from here on out.  Mistress Windy praises me on my progress and tells me how proud she is of me.  Once again these two powerful women put me in an absolutely euphoric state.  After an appropriate amount of aftercare I leave House of Whispers glowing and can’t wait for my continued conversations and training from Mistress Windy until my next regularly scheduled in person session. Remote training continues until next time.  

Natalie is Born

 Natalie's Beginning

    Natalie herself was officially born on July 27, 2020, but her conception began much earlier.  She has been growing in my head and heart for several years.  I had always enjoyed the sight of sexy undergarments no matter what style on a woman, but never really equated it to me wearing them.  Even though it was never spoken about I often thought about dressing as a woman, but it remained only in thought.  These thoughts soon began to progress into other aspects of what is traditionally considered feminine more so in a sexual manner.  I began to think about how it would feel to have sex as a woman.  I began to wonder what it would anal sex would feel like.  I experimented with toys, I enjoyed it a lot.  At this point it was all internal so I explored solo.  The porn I watched began to transition to pegging and strap-on porn.   I found this extremely exciting, but I still internalized it all.  I continue to watch pegging porn and self pleasure in my own fantasies.  As this went on the videos began to shift to include shemale and what I wasn't something I really wasn't aware of at the time Sissies.  It was then that my thoughts began to wonder about what I wanted.  I suppressed these thoughts for a while longer.  I wanted to see how could explore these feelings.   So I began to wonder how I could follow what I had now determined was a path I wanted to venture down Sissification.  I looked around on on the internet and explored some online Dommes and contacted one, but she turned out be be more of a FinDomme, and while I knew that there would be a financial aspect to my exploration, I felt the FinDomme was not the avenue I wanted to pursue especially with no person to person contact.  It was then that I began to search for a Domminatrix in my area that had experience in Sissification.  I found Mistress Windy Whispers who operates the House of Whispers.  Sissification happens to be one of Mistress Windy's favorite fetishes.  I knew instantly I wanted to meet her and see where this could lead.  In our first email exchange I knew that I wanted to schedule a session as soon as possible.  Mistress Windy agreed to meet me on July 27, 2020, she had Queen Kat join us.  At our first meeting she put me at ease and we discussed my desires and hard and soft limits, but there was never a question of who was in control.  As we progressed into the session Queen Kat did my make up while Mistress Windy picked out what I would wear.  I of course was already wearing panties under my boy clothes as instructed (at this point in my journey I was still wearing boxer briefs over the panties, but I wore panties non the less.  Mistress Windy picked a very nice leopard print nighty for me to wear.  She asked Queen Kat "what should we name her" .  Queen Kat thought for a moment and said "you know what in that leopard print she looks like a Natalie, yes Natalie".  Mistress Windy agreed Natalie would be my name from here on out.  From there the session began and they used me as they saw fit and I was in an absolutely euphoric state.   After the session Mistress Windy and I talked about the experience and how I felt about it, in what I now know is aftercare.  I knew from this moment forward I wanted to explore further and I had found my teacher.  I would begin my servitude to Mistress Windy Whispers as her Sissy Slut Natalie.  This is the day Natalie was born, more on my journey to follow in continuing posts.