Somethings wrong

   Up until.now the story you have been reading and I have enjoyed writing has been an extremely fun and vibrant story.  Natalie is still young in her growth, but today we must pause from her journey and talk about hardships and pain.  I know this is not what this blog is typically about, but none the less it is a part of my story and I feel I must tell it.  There might be someone out there that can relate and if one person can find comfort in my words then it was worth it.  

     This past few days have been a roller coaster,  events have transpired that could have been disastrous for me and Natalie have turned out to be a blessing on one hand, but have had what I feel has had significant other effects on my life that I can only describe as crushing.  As I sit here deciding what to write holding back tears of despair I struggle with thoughts of how I handled events of the past few days. Trust me I am strong and will make it through the other side of these feelings.  It will take some time, tears and soul searching but I and Natalie will be a better person on the other side.  I will tell the story from the perspective of my feelings alone.  It will talk generally about events not in specifics but in how it made me feel.  The past few days in my opinion have been a blessing on one relationship, but inadvertently harmed another.

      To start we need to go back a few days,  a part of Natalie was discovered.   This brought some fear, yelling, reassuring and ultimately understanding.  I have been forced by circumstance to have a difficult decision about how I feel in certain aspects.  It was difficult, but productive in the end an avenue of improvement has been opened.  This is a good thing and I relish it.  My relationship hasn’t been better and will improve because of the trials.  It will take communication, understanding and experimentation. I have pledged to be more open and provide the feedback needed to improve the relationship.  

    Now to what I feel has been a downside to recent events that I hope to turn around and restore the joy and smile that it brought me everyday.  In my effort to be transparent I inadvertently turned a positive aspect in my life, something that put a spring in my step to something that brings me down.  Actions only taken out of concern for my well-being are having opposite effects.  Consequences of my actions I feel have caused changes that I didn’t expect, and I have to accept them.  Take things as they come and try and find the joy that text used to bring me every time I got it now tug a little at the hurt in my heart, they come less often than they did before, but that is ok.  They are always well meaning an heartfelt. This relationship will in time I hope will bring me all of the joy it once did even in the short time it has been there.  

      Please don’t get the tone of this installment wrong.  We all go through struggles in life.  This installment I wanted to describe a struggle I am going through and reassure my readers that no matter how dire things seem you will be stronger on the other end of the struggle.  If you need help in that struggle find and reach out to your support system.  If you don’t have one contact me and I will be your support system.  We all must stick together in this world.